In my 17 years of existence here on Earth, this was the first time that I experienced the unending thoughts on my mind, making my head hurts everyday. I don’t know if this is maybe because I’m making my own little dramas or maybe I’m too pessimist for every thing or maybe I’m just really sad over something that I don’t know nothing about or maybe there’s something wrong inside me that I can’t even figure out what.
I’m thinking about my future and I can’t seem to find any positivity that would quiet my head and that everything’s gonna be alright. Yeah, I know I blogged about “Everything happens for a reason” but my thoughts aren’t gonna stop.
I just want to let it all out. I want to free my mind for a little while so bear with me.
I don’t know if I can do it until the end. If ever I can graduate with good grades and make my mom and dad proud of me without anything to worry about and that I can stand on my own feet and be stable with my life.
I want to achieve more than a hundred things but there are difficulties within the system of my university that they don’t even have any considerations even though you are a deserving student.
Of course it’s not only about my studies. It’s also about my life. I’m considering my life. Yes. My life in the hereafter. Am I ready if ever that happens? I’m not. What if that happens? What am I gonna do? I don’t know. I think that I would just go in a corner and cry my heart out. There’s an oodles in the word “that” that I can’t even say.
My brother already has his own life. My sister has a family. My mom and dad are already old but I’m praying for their health and more years that I can spend with them.
My life right now is pretty complicated.
I don’t have plenty of friends. I feel alone. I don’t open anything with my bestfriend or my family regarding my serious thoughts and matters. It’s like that they shouldn’t know anything and that I can deal with this on my own.
But I don’t think I can but I know I can. I’m not close to my family to the point that I can share all my troubles. We don’t have tight relationship. It’s the sad truth. I’m also mousey to share any of it.
There’s a lot more running on my mind but I’m keeping it private. I just let somethings out so I can breathe.
I’m going to get my grades for this semester tomorrow and I’m hoping for the best.
My hands are full and I’ve got too much in my plate. I hope tomorrow doesn’t bring me something I couldn’t handle any longer.
Can You please give me the strength and motivation to conquer all this? I believe in You.
I’m sorry if this post doesn’t have anything to inspire you and help you through things because I don’t have any too to share it with you.
I’m hoping that if you’ve got any troubles, promise me that you’ll keep your head high, you’ll be brave and you’ll always keep the faith — together with me?
So long! Thanks for hearing me out that you’ve read until here. I appreciate it.