I’ve been trapped in a world of uncertainties, doubts and hold backs. It’s no fun. Sometimes I pour my brain with “what ifs” and “could haves” and I feel like I’m getting drowned.
For all the days, weeks, and months that have passed, I raised a series of questions unanswered last week. It was a week of overthinking and fidgeting. I’m uneasy everyday. I keep forgetting things and I can’t focus because I was craving for answers.
I need something to stop me from holding back with my decisions. I want a word or a thing to slap me if ‘this’ is nothing or if there’s still hope for something more. I don’t want to be trapped alone in the dark anymore.
I want a firm yes or no.
I yearn for freedom.
I desire to break-free.
Then, the clouds cleared up eventually. The rainbow showed up after the rain. It’s my friend, she slipped her tongue and I found out the answers to my questions. She thought I knew, but I actually don’t.
I was shattered at the moment but then slowly, my fears and doubts are disappearing. And every piece of me is getting whole again.
That’s when I realized that I have to let go.
I once thought that moving on and letting go are the same. I was wrong.
Moving on is how I get over with the things I got used to. The morning texts, the late night calls, the endearments and the memories.
And letting go is freeing my heart. ❤
It’s the feeling of shutting the door that doesn’t lead to anywhere anymore. It’s putting a dot in a sentence that once a question mark. It’s closing the book because I’m finally over with its past and final chapter.
I forgave. I burned bridges. I cut ties.
I gained freedom.
Now, I am lighthearted.
It was a good riddance after all.
I’m free from all the pain in the past. I can laugh wholeheartedly, I can look at love the way it is (though I still have my walls to protect me) and mostly, I don’t feel burdened at all.
I’m just honestly happy with everything and everyone around me right now. It’s like a feather cascading on fluffy pillows feeling.
It’s comforting like when you finally slipped in to your bed after a long day.
This is the feeling I’ve lost, and I’m glad it’s back.
For that, I know soonest I’ll be opening my heart again and if that day will come,
I pray that it will be my destined God-given man.