‘To na naman ako, may quiz ako bukas sa management accounting pero I suddenly clicked on my WordPress app and damn! I started writing na.
Kanina pa ‘ko nagsusulat about dito pero nakakainis ang WordPress, nadelete lahat nung sinulat ko from 9:35pm. 😦
Sorry if this is a taglish post but I feel like I can lay down my thoughts kapag ganito. So yeah, I carelessly closed my book on Chapter 12 CVP Analysis earlier and ano nga bang topic kapag 10:24pm na?
You may think love? I guess.
There’s this guy, he have a huge impact on me. ‘Di ko din alam paano or talagang ni-obsess ko lang ‘yung sarili ko sa kaniya. Pero grabe kasi ‘yung feels ko to the point na nahuhurt na ‘ko. Kainis!
But it’s funny how there’s this thing that cracked inside me and it bloomed like bliss.
Ang OA pakinggan pero the moment na napansin niya ko sa kagaguhan ko doon sa isang event where I first saw him, parang nakamove on ako ng 101% although two years ago na rin yung panahong nahurt ako. Pero kasi, it feels like I don’t need to look back on my past anymore. I suddenly feel healed, like no more holding backs.
Anyway, he sings and I damn love his voice.
He’s a lead vocalist/rhythm guitarist on a band. This guy composes songs too and he got the talents. I swear! I can feel like he’s a cool guy and I find his captions and tweets funny, so I guess he really have a sense of humour. He’s honest, I think, to the way he answers questions on ask.fm and I don’t sense any arrogance whenever I check on his social media accounts. So maybe he’s a good guy?
Wait, hindi niya ko kilala personally ha. Heads up lang. The only thing that connects us was that stage-crowd-me scene that happened last time.
SO GOING BACK, I learned that he’s allergic to cats and dogs. He’s also in his senior year in college just like me, and he’s taking BS Management. So ang common denominator namin are, accounting and law subjects. Haha! He’s also into history and science stuff. And he loves The Beatles!
You may think of me as, WOW STALKER?!
But duh, think what you want but I only learn all that through his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Ask.fm accounts. I won’t tell you his username, baka agawan mo pa ‘ko!
SO GOING BACK AGAIN,
I think I like him. For real.
And guess what? Kakanotify lang sa’kin na he tweeted RIGHT NOW (habang sinusulat ko ‘to ha). He’s reminiscing his time in Paris last year.
PERO WAIT LANG! CHILL!
Baka daw kasi namimiss ko lang ‘yung feeling na in love or having someone to gush and crush on lang kaya nag kakaganito yung nararamdaman ko. Well, maybe. Pero bakit parang hindi naman?
Which leads me to the question, is that even possible? To like someone you just met, met na face to face lang and nothing more?
He replies to my tweets kasi, and he answers my anonymous questions on ask.fm and BY DOING THAT HE DOESN’T KNOW NA HE IGNITES MY FEELINGS AND EXPECTATIONS.
Sad noh? 😦
Do you think I’m pathetic for feeling what I’m feeling? Minsan I look at myself na ang helpless at miserable ko na eh.
Ang funny lang, I was wishing in the past, sabi ko, can I experience naman ‘yung ako ‘yung magkakagusto and he’ll eventually fall for me too? Kasi you see, parang it’s always the guys who like me tapos darating lang sa point na I’ll like them back. So now? This is what it feels like? Grabe pala.
And another thing!
I’m torn by these lines,
1. You’ll never have to force what’s meant to be and;
2. Hardwork gets you where you want to be.
So I’m thinking if I should make an effort ba for him to notice me? Or should I just let things be ’cause if he’s meant to be with me, he will be?
ANG GULO NG UTAK KO FOR OVER ANALYZING THINGS.
I know that time will tell who’s out there reserved for me and I know that if God will give me a partner, darating at darating din siya in His perfect time. But I can’t help but to be so curious who will be that guy I’m going to share my life and whom I’m going to love for a lifetime. I’d like to let life surprise me but I can’t help but overthink. Especially now that I have this guy whom I would like to give it a chance.
And sakto pa, he’s single right now, and he posted this song just 6 days ago and here’s the lyrics:
🎶 Oh hindi ko alam kung kailan (darating)
Pagdampi ng iyong mga labi (sa pisngi)
Oh ano nga ba ang trip ng tadhana? (at bakit)
Wala ka pa rin sa tabi
Ilan taon na ‘kong naghihintay sa’yo
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito
Sana naman iyong maiintindihan kung sinabi kong,
I love you very much.
Please, please, dumating ka na
‘Di ko na mapagtanto
Kung nasa’n ka sa mundong ganito
Sana’y naririnig mo ‘ko. 🎶
AND THE MOMENT I HEARD THAT? I FEEL LIKE THE SONG WAS DEDICATED FOR ME TO HEAR IT.
I’m like “SAME FEELS BRUH SAME!!!”
That’s his song composition in Filipino done in 2 hours. Big hands for this guy, please.
Foolish, but kinikilig ako everytime I listen to that.
That time I was like, “I’m here, I’m listening!” so what I did was, I quiet my thoughts and tweeted him closed eyes with gathered guts.
Me: @xxxxxxxx listened to this! 👏 Feeeeels! 😁 (12:21 PM)
Him: @jezikirsten hope you like the song!! hehe 😁👍 (8:44 PM)
So I over analyze lang ba? Or parang para sa’kin talaga ‘yung song? “Hope you like the song!!” So dedicated talaga for me?
Uyyy, mahanapan lang ng meaning.
Oh edi sige. Tse!
Pero kasi ‘di ba? Sometimes life gives you hints. Pero wala, okay nevermind.
Kinikilig pa rin ako. Since ‘di ako makasurvive without talking about this guy for a day, and I feel like my friend J who’s on Dubai ay naririndi na kakakwento ko ng findings and thoughts ko about this guy, maybe I’ll write more. Basa ka pa, please?
Okay, so for two weeks going gaga over this guy, I learned to him ha, how I should also be honest with myself and everything. You see, I’m just a commoner and I’ve got nothing much to offer and by socio-economic status I know that he’s in the first class and I admire how he’s being honest with his posts, like he’s posting how he got only 5 euros in his pocket and he gotta starve in style. In that, I’ve realized I should too! Why not?
Like, I should be loving and appreciating who I am and what I’ve got in this world. Para kasi siyang contentment.
So ayun. Tapos parang I’ve learned din how to accept other’s flaws. Kasi no one’s perfect eh? Parang you should like him/her the way that person is. Buong puso mong tatanggapin ano siya, kasi gusto mo eh? Kaya go. Parang ganun.
SO GOING BACK SA TOPIC NG BLOG KONG “PLEASE, PLEASE?” na nakuha ko sa title ng song niya, ETO NA TALAGA PROMISE.
You caught me off guard and you’re consistently running on my mind. You start igniting fires in me that I didn’t know was there.
I don’t know kung magkikita ba tayo sa susunod na mga araw.
I HAVE NO IDEA and it freaks the hell out of me.
What if I don’t see you na talaga? What will happen then? Isipin ko pa lang, parang nakakasad na.
Is there any chance you’ll get to see this blog I have dedicated for you?
If ever we’ll be seeing each other again, will you remember me? That girl who’ve thrown hearts for you in a middle of the crowd cause she feels like there’s no one actually paying that much attention while you’re singing on stage? Boy, I hope you know that.
And I regret not listening to your song more that day. If only I knew na I’ll be crushing over you, that day? DAMN, I’ll be shouting with my heart out that I love your voice! I will be watching you on stage with glimmering eyes, showing you how I support you and your band and that I’m damn proud with your talent!
But then I question myself too,
“Oh ano nga ba ang trip ng tadhana?” 🎶
Alam mo ba na I was thinking twice the day before that event kasi tinatamad ako. I’ll go there to see RJ, little did I know, I’ll be thanking myself later for pushing my butt to go CAUSE THAT DAY INTRODUCE ME TO YOU.
GAHD NAPAKAROMANTIC KO NA ATA, GRABE. HOPELESS ROMANTIC. 💔
Kasalanan mo ‘to, nag gagago lang ako nun eh, napansin mo pa ko. I WAS TAKEN ABACK.
And then you even tweeted me,
“How can I forget those hearts?”
OKAY, DON’T FORGET IT. KAHIT LANDI TWEET LANG ‘YAN, DON’T FUCKING FORGET IT.
I’ll never be more proud of myself because I thought of that “trip trip lang” while you guys were playing on stage.
You know what?
I was thinking din about the what ifs eh, what if maging tayo? Nako, okay lang ba sa’yo? Di ako ganoon kaganda. I also came from an average/commoner family lang. I have nothing much to offer too.
But listen to “That’s All” by Nat King Cole or yung version ni Michael Bublé. That’s my favorite song kasi. That’s all I can offer.
And, if you happen to bump on me soon and we got the chance to meet again, or maybe if you’ll be treating me on a dinner, if lang naman ha! I would like it to be in a garden with string lights hanging all over the place tapos you’ll be singing “The Way You Look Tonight” by Frank Sinatra. Or maybe let’s go on a road trip and talk about life under the stars while your band’s songs are playing in the car? Or let’s just spend time on National Museum ’cause I didn’t get the chance to appreciate the art in there nung nag history trip kami back in my 3rd year in college eh. Hmm, or let’s ride ferris wheels! Or how about let’s just chase fog in sunrises and explore new places and cafés? You know, just the simple things that just make you feel alive. Allow me to take pictures too, cause that makes me happy. Please, please?
Or if not, follow mo na nga lang ako sa Twitter, birthday gift mo na sa nalalapit kong birthday.
Simple lang naman ako eh, just stay and be true to your feelings, you’ll get me.
I’d like to know more about you and I’d like you to know me too. Let’s talk with depth.
I hope life will give us that chance, just so I can calm my heart. Life, please, please?
But for now, siguro graduate muna tayo. Senior year na eh, let’s do this ha? Let’s finish college and we’ll see where fate will take us.
And! I’ll be tweeting this to you after 3 days, ayoko lang sabihin mong papansin na ‘ko sa twitter mo. Marami naman nagandahan nung pinost ko sa Facebook ko so I plan to tweet it to you. You’re cool naman eh ‘di ba?
So here’s me, singing Ignition along with you:
That’s just my lazy IG story cover.
‘Di nila akalain na ako ‘yung girl voice. ‘Di kasi talaga ko kumakanta eh. Sad. Pero sana maappreciate mo! Magagandahan ka kaya? Wondering if ano irereply mo— if ever. HEHE
Update 11/19/16: I tweeted him kagabi at around 8:30pm. Walang reply hanggang ngayon, it’s 3:16pm na. I guess wala siyang pake. Okay, move on! 🙂
And for ALL that I guess, I’ll be waiting.
I’ll be waiting for the reasons to unfold SOON.
But one last thing, an answer please, please?
Will I end up with you?
(© Featured image from @his Instagram account)