So… Part II na tayo ng blog Please, Please? agad agad. Why?
It’s 12:35am on my clock, I listened to his songs after how many days that felt so long. It feels weird. It’s different now than I first heard it. Ang hirap siguro paniwalaan pero I feel like nag tempo +1 ‘yung mga songs niya. I even checked out my music player’s settings and wala. I don’t know if creepy ba ‘to for you pero no, iba lang talaga. AS IN. No overthinking included.
Parang ‘nung pinakinggan ko ulit, hindi na siya slo-mo na damang dama mo every hit niya sa notes and lyrics tulad noon. Parang out of the blue siyang nag fast beat. WEIRD.
And I felt empty. You’re supposed to feel something or see flashbacks of your “feels” when you heard a song that you’ve heard before ‘di ba? Sakin wala. Pinaulit-ulit kong damahin ‘yung Filipino composition niya na pinost ko before, wala. Kalma lang ‘yung pulso at heart beat ko. Inulit ulit ko pa ‘dun sa “i love you very much” cause I was assuming na baka magkaspark pag dinama ko ‘yun but then I was like meh with resting bitch face.
So I decided to make Part II. Bida bida lang ganun. De joke. Tulog muna ‘ko. Tuloy ko bukas.
(11/25/16 12:53am to be continued…)
Okay so ayun na nga, ‘di ko na siya gaanong feel. Pero hinayaan ko lang na nakafollow ako sa sns niya kaysa i-unfollow ko, ‘di naman ako ganun ka-bitter so, cool lang.
Anyway, if you wish to re-read my first blog, that’s readily available here. Medyo like na like na like ‘yung feels and tone nung post ko na ‘yun but I don’t care, that’s what I’m feeling in that post eh.
So again let’s go back to the main topic of this Part 2.
I tweeted him the video, remember? (Btw, you have to check out my update what happened then on part 1) and I asked him something on ask.fm. Don’t overthink! I just ask him about a certain topic in life, okay?
I know this feels so absurd but I foolishly and crazily ask for a fucking sign. Yeah, loser.
You see, I’m a strong doubter of signs and all supernatural shits our world have but in contrary, if I dig dipper on my heart, there’s this part that actually believes in hints and tips the universe is revealing to me. Say it, fate, destiny, coincidence, little hints, and all that.
Okay, so I said to myself, if he ever answer that question, I’ll continue making little lowkey efforts. Parang simpleng “paramdam” sa noti niya mga ganun. (Yes naman ang galawan ko, ang pathetic!!!) And if he don’t answer then okay, that means wala talaga siyang pake so I will let him live his own life and I will live mine. I will stop. Simple as that.
I waited, and waited, and waited.
And what happened was, sadly, he didn’t answer my question. I see his newly answered questions too, so I guess he just scrolled down to my q.
At first I was feeling “okay, I don’t care din.” But deep inside I was like “fuck you naman, wala kang pake.”
So, I become suffocated.
Everytime I will open my twitter account, it feels very toxic. Parang whenever I will open it, it’s the same thing as opening a door of a world where connection between me and him exists. Parang ang hirap huminga.
Ang weird dude, sobra.
So… wait. ‘Di ako makapag-isip, nawawala ako. Nakikita ko kasi ‘tong twin brothers na si Tyler at Tanner Mata sa TV. Ang gwapo. 😍 Very blessed sila, ‘nung nagpasabog ng blessings ng kagwapuhan, nasalo nila lahat times two pa. Share tayo want? Sakin si Tyler. LOL!
OKAY GOING BACK!!!
Nalonely ako, so what I did was I disconnect myself on twitter and I let my thoughts about him keep coming on my mind pero I make sure na I don’t react so I won’t overthink. I contolled my mind ’til it’s five days of disconnecting…
Then I felt free. Bigla na lang, ay ‘yun na yun? Via mindset wala na?
But, I guess that’s the thing about the power of mentality. If you set your mind to it, you can do it. I was mad din, because there’s no return of efforts. Of course, diba? Effort effort ka, assume assume ng konti, tas okay wala. Hard to reach. And duh sino ba ‘ko? Right? So, okay, wala na lang pakelamanan. G!
Pero one at a time, nababanggit ko pa rin naman name niya, pero parang kaechosan na lang. Like, masabi lang. Not like before, as in everyday talagang umiikot ata mundo ko sa thoughts sa kanya.
So I tried to open my account once again, nasa ICYMI pa ‘yung mga tweets niya. Nakita ko ‘yun but I feel like “meh” again.
I connected na ulit. I started tweeting, wala na rin akong pake.
Hanggang sa mapakinggan ko na ulit yung songs niya sa playlist ko.
WALA NA BA TALAGA?
Ngayon kasi parang, wala na. Change of heart agad? Siguro? Panandaliang pakilig lang kasi, ‘di rin naman totoo. It’s all just a fantasy inside my head, and that’s bluer than blue.
But maybe I’m just busy with my acads kaya nadidivert attention ko, pero let’s see. I have other priorities right now, and I’ve realized love life will be the last on that list.
And, love is hard. It’s not something na you can wish and tada! ayan na. No, it comes with responsibilities and sacrifices. I’ve realized that and, hope hope ako for return of effort eh ‘di naman pala ko ready for love deep inside. ‘Di ba? You see that?
LETTING LIFE HAPPEN NA LANG PARA SOLID!
Focusing on getting my black toga right now!
Soon na lang siguro, if ever our paths will cross. Let’s see if there’s going to be PART 3!
You guys can comment down your thoughts, you can stay anonymous don’t worry.
See you on my next post, ALL LOVE!